DAY #26: December 31, 2010

This is the last day of devotions for 2010. I'll end with the three other prayers you can pray to learn how to handle toxic relationships.

#2. Second prayer is this: Father, enable me to forgive my family.

Even as I write that, I know that phrase sounds toxic to some of you as you hear it. Forgive my family? You don’t know what they did to me, you’re thinking. I can never accept what they did to me. Folks, let’s clear up some mis-conceptions about forgiveness. Forgiveness does not mean accepting what they did to you.

Forgiveness does not mean saying that what they did to you is OK. What they did to you was wrong. It may even have been evil. What does it mean to forgive? Forgive means to release it. It means you let it go to God. You say to God, “Instead of me holding on to this and trying to get revenge on my own, I’m going to trust this into Your hands.”

So you release it. You let it go to God. You say, Here it is. I let it go. I forgive them. I let go of my desires for revenge. I let go of my desire to get even, and plot their demise. I let go of my plan to get as many people as I can to come against this sworn enemy of mine. I’m going to release it to You. I forgive them.

Jesus’ first followers had to deal with this. Matthew 18. Peter, one of the first followers of Jesus said to Jesus, “Lord, how long shall my brother sin against me and I forgive him?” Then he offers up a big number “’Up to seven times?’ Jesus said to him, ‘I do not say up to seven times. But up to seventy times seven.’” You say, I’m not sure I like the sound of that.

What’s Jesus saying? Jesus is teaching Peter and He’s trying to teach us. St the bar high. Peter comes to Jesus and says I want to forgive my brother. Let’s set the bar high. Seven times. I’ll forgive my brother seven times. Isn’t that magnanimous of me Jesus. Jesus says, No, let’s set it higher. Seventy times seven. 490 times. And the truth is, 490 times isn’t enough – Jesus is really saying forgiveness is to be limitless. You say Pastor, that is impossible. Of course it is – on your own. Forgiveness even one time is hard on your own, but limitless – impossible.

Here’s why. If we set the bar at nine feet we think we can do that in our own strength and energy. But once Jesus says nine miles all of a sudden I realize, I can’t do that! Jesus says, “Exactly! That’s exactly what I want you to see. You can’t forgive on your own strength. You need My strength.” With Jesus’ strength I can forgive.

I don’t know about you but the only place I’ve ever found the strength to forgive others is in the fact that Jesus has forgiven me. That’s where it comes from. Jesus says, You’re going to need My strength to do this. Don’t try to do it on your own. Would you pray – “Father, enable me to forgive my family. “

By the way, here’s another fact about forgiveness you might want to store in you quiver. The Bible says in Ephesians 4:32 “Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ, God forgave you.” Folks, forgiveness is immediate. Forgiveness is total. We forgive others just like God has forgiven us.

If you follow that – forgive them to God immediately, then when someone who has hurt you comes to you, you’re going to be able to forgive them because you’ve already dealt with it. You do not wait until they come to you.

I want to take just a minute to talk to God about this one. Would you bow your head with me? Just a thirty second prayer. Is there someone you need to forgive? Is there someone whose asked you for forgiveness and you withheld it? Is there someone you need to ask to forgive you? Just pray, “Father, enable me to forgive.”

Jesus, thank You that You have forgiven us and in Your strength we can find the strength to forgive others. You’ve forgiven us for so much. Thank You. In Your name. Amen.

As we work through this, things we can do, prayers we can pray to make a difference here’s the third prayer.

#3. Father, empower me to change my thinking.

If you’re going to deal with toxic relationships you’ve got to change your thinking. The truth is a toxic relationship is not hard to spot. You can see toxic relationships. But it’s difficult to change them. To change them doesn’t mean to just seeing that it’s there or knowing I need to do something different. It’s changing the way that I think. To change the pattern I’ve got to change the way that I think. That’s what the Bible teaches.

Romans 12:1-2 says, “Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, [the selfish patterns] but be transformed by the renewing of your mind and then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is – His good, pleasing and perfect will.” You let go of the old patterns of sin, fear, selfishness and the way to do that is to be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Before I can do something different I have to be able to think something different. To think in a new way. And God can do that. That’s why you pray, “God, empower me to change my thinking.”

Folks, sometimes it takes a long time to renew our minds. Why is that? God’s given us the Bible. Why don’t our minds get renewed right away? As soon as I read the Bible, as soon as I come to church. I hear it, I see it! I know what to do! Why does it take time to change? Why isn’t it instantaneous?

There’s a problem: Jeremiah 17:9 says, “The heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure. Who can understand it?” You didn’t want to hear that verse. I didn’t either. The heart’s deceitful? You bet it is. My heart’s deceitful. Your heart’s deceitful. Our hearts deceive us. God is working to renew our mind but our heart, our mind is deceiving us.

“I don’t really need my mind renewed in that area. I’m right – they are wrong. I am going to hold unto my grudge, no one can change me. I deserve to be mad. I’ve been hurt.” And that hurt somehow justifies gossiping, slandering, falsifying facts. Write this one down, hurt people hurt people. And that hurt betrays us. That hurt we hold in our hearts deceives us into staying the same when God’s trying to change us. What’s the answer then? I mean, is there any hope then, when you’ve got this dynamic at work? YES!!! You need God’s power working in you. Not your power – not your muscle – you need God.

There’s a fourth prayer to pray.
#4. Father, free me to accept Your love.

The truth is to deal with toxic people in your life, in your family, you need to know that there is one relationship in your life that you can count on no matter what. The only one you can count on no matter what, the only one that will never fail you, or forsake you is God Himself. He has perfect love for you. So you pray, “God, would You free me to accept Your love,” and you build your love for everyone else on that love.

If you’re trying to find in some human relationship a perfect love that you can build all your other relationships on, you’ll never find it. Everybody’s imperfect. If you’re putting the weight of perfection on any human relationship that in itself is toxic. You’re going to create, even in the best of relationships, you’re going to create expectations that can never be met. So where do you start? You start with the love of God. You accept His love in your life. Out of that every other love grows.

The Bible says in 1 John 4:16 “So we know and rely on the love that God has for us. There is no fear in love, but perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love. We love because He first loved us. There is no fear in love.”

How do I know God loves me? He shows me. 1 John 4:9 says, “God has shown His love or us by sending His only Son into the world so that we could have life through Him.” Some people think, “God loves me? When did He show me?” He showed me in Jesus Christ, coming into this world. That’s what Christmas is all about. Jesus was born for you. Jesus was given to you.

SO WHAT? Ephesians 3:20-21 (NCV) says, “With God's power working in us, God can do much, much more than anything we can ask or imagine. To him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus for all time, forever and ever. Amen."

Today, on this last day of 2010, I need to ask you, do you need God’s power working in you? I invite you just to talk to God and say, “Father, I want your power working in me. Free me right now to accept Your love. Empower me to change my thinking. Enable me to forgive my family, strengthen me to accept my limitations. God, I start here by recognizing how deeply You love me. AMEN.”

In 2011, tomorrow, we'll be using a new format for devotions. There will also be a new COV devotional website. you can find the devotions for 2011 @
www.covdevotions2011.blogspot.com/

I love you guys. Stay faithful. Stay the course. ENDURE!

DAY #25: December 30, 2010

1 John 4:7 says, “Dear friends, let us love one another for love comes from God.” The truth is, if we don’t have the goal to love other people, we’ll tend to write them off. Maybe ignore them, dismiss them, forget them, turn our backs on them. So the goal is love. Today, we need to discover how to love people, even in the difficult circumstances. So, the goal is love. Loving all the people God has placed in my life – even the toxic ones.

Since we’re talking about toxic people it’s important to define this. How do you recognize a toxic family member? Definition: toxic is when two people are stuck in a way of relating that is poisoning them both. They just can’t seem to move on. They can’t seem to move past hurt. They hurt each other and they are destructive to each other.

What talk about handling toxic family members? Because, you can maybe ignore them through the year, but as you gather at Christmas and the New Year, they are right in front of you. You can’t put this off anymore. This year, this Christmas - this New Year, as you prepare to worship Jesus, as you get ready for Christmas, together, let’s learn how to handle, in a righteous way, those toxic family members.

You say Pastor – where do we start? We start with prayer. Specifically, four prayers that will help us with toxic people. These are four prayers that I have been praying for the past several years in my life. God is using these prayers to help me. He will use them to help you.

Prayer number one: Father, strengthen me to accept my limitations.

You wouldn’t have to be concerned about toxic people if you were superman or superwoman. But you’re not. You’re not indestructible. You’re just a human being. We all are. Those of you who are believers in Jesus Christ and many of us are, this is an especially difficult thing in our life. A lot of people think, I’m a Christian. I can handle anything. Well, the truth is, you can’t.

You’ve got your limitations. Accept what God says about who you are. He knows us better than anybody. I love the picture in 2 Corinthians 4:7 about who we really are. “We are like clay jars in which this treasure is stored. The real power comes from God and not from us.”

You say, CLAY JARS? That’s all I am? A clay jar? You know the truth about clay jars? They’re easily broken. That’s what we are. There’s great freedom in accepting who you are. Not trying to be the lord of the universe, something that you’re not. Just accepting “I’m a clay jar. I can’t tell you the freedom in accepting that. You accept your limitations. You accept God’s picture of you – a clay jar.

Some clay jars have more in them and some have less. But they’re still just a clay jar. Some clay jars are painted on the outside, some are plain. Still it’s just a clay jar. Some are larger, some are smaller, some are skinnier, some are wider. But you’re still just a clay jar.

God honors us by telling us who we are. We’re clay jars and that means we all have limitations. I am not God. I’m a clay jar. I have limitations, and so do you. You say what limitations do we have? We can’t change other people. We can’t make other people do the right thing. We can not make other people get healthy. Limitations. And the truth is, not only do we have limitations, we also have weaknesses – don’t we? We’ve got to recognize that about ourselves.

Paul, one of the greatest Christians whoever lived, he didn’t mind admitting the fact that he had weaknesses. 2 Corinthians 12:9-10 says, “God told me ‘My grace is enough: It’s all you need. My strength comes into its own in your weakness.’ Once I heard that, I was glad to let it happen. I quit focusing on the handicap and I began appreciating the gift. It was a case of Christ’s strength moving in on my weakness. Now I take limitations in stride, and with good cheer,. these limitations have cut me down to size- abuse, accidents, opposition, bad breaks. I just let Christ take over. So the weaker I get, the stronger I become.”

I’m a clay jar, I have limitations and I have weaknesses. Folks, there is incredible freedom in admitting that and accepting that.

Some of you, right now, maybe you’re in a toxic situation. The same pattern keeps repeating itself again and again and again. You feel hopeless to change the situation. That’s the starting place - accepting my limitations. Let God do what He can do, let others do what they can do, and let me do what God’s given me to do. But not try to be all things for all people. I’m not God. I have weaknesses. I accept my limitations. God work in me in spite of my limitations and weaknesses.

DAY #24: December 29, 2010

#3. The third thing that makes people toxic is bitterness.

What makes people toxic is bitterness from rejecting God’s grace. In your life, you’re going to go through problems and you’re going to be hurt. Sorry, but you live on a broken planet. It really doesn’t matter so much that you’re hurt as much as your response to it. How do you respond to the hurts in life?

God says I will give you the grace to handle all the hurts of life. What is grace? Grace is when God gives you what you need not what you deserve. He says you go through a bankruptcy or credit problem. I’ll give you the grace to handle that. You go through a marriage difficulty or somebody spits on you, I will give you the grace to handle that. You go through being turned down for a promotion, I’ll give you the grace to handle that. You had a tough time at school, somebody breaks your heart. Whatever it is. You have a health issue, you deal with cancer whatever, God says, “My grace is sufficient for you.” God says “I’m not just going to give you strength. I am your strength.”

But when you reject the grace of God and you don’t let God help you in the hurts, you’re going to get bitter. When you say instead of “I’m turning to God,” “I can handle this on my own.” You’re going to get bitter. Anytime you handle a hurt on your own, you’re going to get bitter. Anytime you try to solve the problem yourself without God, you’re going to get bitter. You’re going to carry it on and on. Some of you have been carrying hurts of your past for twenty, thirty, forty years.

When you don’t let the grace of God into your life and you try to handle the problems all by yourself, that makes you toxic. The Bible says this in Hebrews 12:15 “Be careful that no one misses the grace of God so that no root of bitterness grows up among you.” Bitterness can get rooted in your heart. And when it gets rooted in your heart it makes trouble because it can poison a large number of people. And the source of bitterness is rejecting the grace of God. And it’s contagious.

SO WHAT? This is where the rubber really hits the road - How will you deal with the toxic religion in your life??

#1. Confess your sin. 1 John 1:8-10 (TEV) says, “If we say that we have no sin, we deceive ourselves, and there is no truth in us. But if we confess our sins to God, he will keep his promise and do what is right: he will forgive us our sins and purify us from all our wrongdoing. If we say that we have not sinned, we make a liar out of God, and his word is not in us.”

#2. Refuse to play the game. One of the Pharisees’ favorite games was to try to trick Jesus with questions. Here’s an example: Matthew 22 say, “Then the Pharisees met together to think of a way to trap Jesus into saying something for which they could accuse Him. But Jesus knew their evil motives. ‘You hypocrites!’ He said. ‘Who are you trying to fool with your trick questions?’” Jesus was saying - You think I just woke up this morning? That I just got out of bed? I understand these games that you’re playing. I’m not going to fall for this trap.

Whenever they tried to get Jesus in a corner He refused to debate the Pharisees. Usually when they asked Him a question, What He would do is He’d ask them a question back and keep on walking. He would not get hooked. He just would not engage with toxic people.

#3. Live for an audience of one. If you live for an audience of one and say “I’m only going to worry about what God wants me to do,” then it will always be the right thing. 1 Thessalonians 2 it says “We’re not trying to please men but God who tests our hearts.” When you do that you will find great relief from trying to please everybody else. Here’s your choice. Do you want to live your life with toxic religion? Or do you want to live your life with a healthy relationship to God? It’s your choice.

Prayer: If you’ve never begun that relationship with Christ, this is your time. I want you to follow me in this prayer. Just in your mind say “Me too, God,” as I pray it. “Dear God, I don’t want a toxic religion. But I want a relationship to You. I want to know Your truth and Your love and Your forgiveness and Your peace. Thank You for dying for me. Help me to understand it more. I want to learn to love You. I want to learn to trust You. Today I’m saying Yes to You as best as I know how. Set me free from toxic religion and give me the strength to deal with the toxic people in my life. I pray this in Your name. Amen.”

DAY #23: December 28, 2010

So what is it that turns a person toxic? How does a healthy person become an unhealthy person? How does a normal person become somebody who’s damaging others around them? How does someone become a Pharisee? Three causes of toxic religion…

#1. The number one cause of toxicity is envy.

Envy and jealousy will rob your soul of joy. Envy and jealousy is like taking cancer in your heart. When you see somebody – a friend or a family member, a relative or somebody – and all of a sudden they’re succeeding and you’re not and you get envious, you’re being set up to become toxic. You just need to be aware of it.

The moment you allow envy into your heart, toxicity has been planted. When somebody all of a sudden makes a whole lot of money and you didn’t, are you going to get envious? You’re going to get toxic. When somebody gets promoted at work and you get envious, you’re going to get toxic. When somebody gets married and you want to be married and you didn’t get married, you’re going to get toxic if you don’t watch out. When somebody has a baby and you’ve been longing for a baby and you start getting jealous and envious, you’re going to get toxic.

Do you know what put Jesus Christ on the cross? You know why they killed Him? He hadn’t done anything wrong. He was perfect. Jesus never hurt anybody. So why did they kill the only perfect person who ever lived? Envy. Matthew 27:18 (LB) says, “It was out of envy that they handed Jesus over to Pilate.” The Pharisees, the toxic religious people, could not stand the popularity of Jesus. The resented it. Envy is toxic.

#2. The second thing that causes people to go toxic is money.

Money, really the love of money, has made more people toxic than almost anything. I have seen money destroy relationships. I have seen money destroy marriages. I’ve seen money destroy kids, families, friendships.

Folks, Jesus was a very generous person. “God so loved the world that He gave.” The Pharisees could not stand the fact that Jesus had no interest in money. Jesus said, “A man’s life does not consist in the abundance of things he possesses.” What did the Pharisees do with that? Luke 16:14 says, “When the Pharisees heard this they made fun of Jesus [They ridiculed Him] because they loved money.”

You are to love people and you are to use money. Money is a tool. You never love money. You love people, you use money. If you start loving money you’re going to use people. You’re going to use people to get money, if you love money. Money becomes toxic. You’ve heard me say this before. Your value has nothing to do with your valuables. Your net worth has nothing to do with your self-worth. The greatest things in life aren’t things. You make a living by what you get. But you make a life by what you give. It is only in giving your life away that you learn to truly live.

Ponder these things today! i love you guys. Stay faithful. Stay the course. ENDURE!

DAy 322: December 27, 2010

#4. The fourth trait of toxic religion – Ridicule.

Jesus was ridiculed. He was put down. He was slandered. He was made fun of in the crowds, even on the cross. You will be ridiculed. When others ridicule you, you can’t avoid it. Proverbs 11:12 says this “He who belittles and despises his neighbor lacks sense.”

So when you’re ridiculed, remember this - Little people belittle people. They want to feel better about themselves. They want to make themselves feel like they’re more important. So they belittle others. But great people make other people feel great. They recognize the greatness of God’s love and grace in their lives they’re able to share with others how great God is and what a great life we can live in Him. That’s the difference. Ridicule is one of the signs of toxic faith, toxic people.

#5. The fifth trait of toxic religion - Gossiping

I’ve got to admit I can I go through the first four traits of toxic people and religion and I think maybe none of these are me. But when I get to gossiping that’s all of us. You say, “I don’t gossip!” But you like to listen. It takes someone to talk and it takes someone to listen to make gossip happen. We all get involved in gossip and gossip is toxic.

The Bible says in Proverbs 10:18 “Anyone who spreads gossip is a fool.” Gossip is toxic to faith. It’s toxic to churches. Gossip has destroyed, ripped apart, ruined more churches than all the false teaching ever taught put together. It just rips through a church. It is toxic. Proverbs 20:19 says, “Whoever goes about slandering reveals secrets. Therefore do not associate with anyone who gossips.”

So what is it that turns a person toxic? How does a healthy person become an unhealthy person? How does a normal person become somebody who’s damaging others around them? How does someone become a Pharisee? That's what we'll talk about the next few days.

I love you guys. Stay faithful. Stay the course. ENDURE!

DAY #21: December 26, 2010

#2. The second trait of toxic religion - Hypocrisy.

You see this in toxic faith all the time. You know what hypocrisy is: you don’t do what you say you believe in. You’ve got all these rules and you push them on everybody else but you’re not keeping them yourself.

The word “hypocrisy” actually comes from two Greek works that were literally used in the old Greek plays, the tragedies. When they would have a play, often actors held many different parts. You have one guy playing many different roles in the play. He comes out on stage with one mask and says a certain monologue. Then he goes back and gets another mask and comes out and does another monologue. He goes back and gets another mask and does another monologue.

Hypocrite means you act different ways with different groups of people. It’s like you act one way at church and you act another way with guys on the golf course. You act another way with your kids. You act another way at work. You act another way in your small group. Your life is not integrated. You’ve got your life segmented, compartmentalized, and you act different ways. That’s what hypocrites do. The Bible says in Matthew 23 that the Pharisees, the toxic people, were great at hypocrisy. He said, “They don’t practice what they preach.”

#3. The third trait of toxic religion - Nitpicking

You know this one! People who love to find fault are toxic. That’s called a toxic faith. They are the folks who are always pointing out our mistakes. Always trying to get at you. Judgmental, critical of actions. Particularly critical of your words. Toxic people like to take words and twist them.

In fact the Bible says the Pharisees did this. As I read through the gospels multiple times this week, I found this sentence multiple times. “The Pharisees went out and made plans to trap Him in His words.” They’re always looking for ways to catch you – to trip you up.

Jesus never put up with this kind of nitpicking. That’s why Jesus says this in Matthew 23:24 “You strain out a gnat but you swallow a camel.” When Jesus would say things like, “Before you get the speck of sawdust out of your neighbor’s eye, you go get the telephone pole out of your eye!”

I’m sure the entire crowd who hear Jesus say these words burst into laughter. Then when Jesus said, “It’s easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than a rich man to get into heaven.” They must have been rolling in the aisles. Folks, nitpickers are toxic. Don't be one.

DAY #20: December 25, 2010

MERRY CHRISTMAS!!

First, the five traits of toxic faith. These are all illustrated in the lives of the Pharisees. I call this list, How to Spot a Pharisee.
#1. The first trait of toxic religion - Legalism

Legalism is when people are more concerned about rules than they are about people. They’re more concerned about observing rituals than helping people’s needs. Legalism is that which says you’ve got to earn your way to heaven, which you can’t. Legalism says that God only smiles on you when you’re keeping certain restrictions. Legalism says it’s not about a relationship. It’s about rules. Legalists always have a huge list of rules and regulations and rituals and policies. They love policies. They love rules. If you don’t have one for particular area they’d be happy to make one for you.

Luke 11 talks about one Pharisee – verse 38. “The Pharisee was shocked and somewhat offended when he saw that Jesus didn’t wash up for meals.” That is a big offense! He didn’t wash his hands. But they’re much more interested in the legalism of - 'did you keep certain rules'? Forget all the healings and miracles that Jesus did. Forget the great sermons and messages He preached. Forget the lives He has touched – you gotta wash those hands. Legalism.

Jesus always offended legalists. Because they couldn’t control Him. They couldn’t manage Him. They couldn’t handle Him because He had a totally different perspective on life. Life is not about rules and regulations and rituals and policies and performance. It’s about love and it’s about relationships. He didn’t play by their rules and they didn’t like it.

Be on your guard against legalism. Give people huge measures of grace and mercy. Dole out generous portions of love and tenderness and compassion - especially today. I pray that you have all have a blessed day - a great day. I love you guys. Stay faithful. Stay the course. ENDURE!