BACKGROUND:
The familiar phrase "my son" introduces a plea that the son embrace valued qualities of character. Sound judgment translates the Hebrew word that is rendered “victory”. Discernment is translated “discretion”.
There are a number of benefits that come to those who heed the exhortation in verse 21. These benefits include life, safety, avoidance of troubles, peaceful sleep, confidence in the future, and avoidance of traps set by the wicked. As i read about those benefits, I am reminded that even if eternal life and heaven were not promised when one receives Christ, the benefits of knowing God and living for God would be enough to surrender my life to God's will and way.
SO WHAT? (what will I do with what I have read today?)
When I think about this passage today, my mind shifts to thinking about all the things are kids need before they leave our house. What are all the things kids need to learn before they set out on their own - to carve out their own future and destiny. I'd like to talk about that this morning for just a bit.
The Bible says that one of the goals for parenting is to prepare your kids for life. God intends the family to be a learning center for life. You learn things in your family that you don't learn anywhere else. You learn life's basic skills in the family -- walk, talk, eat ... use a TV remote -- all the basic skills of life you learn in the family. God says we are to prepare our kids for life.
The Bible says this about Jesus in Luke 2:52 "Jesus grew in wisdom and stature and in favor with God and with man." Notice the four ways Jesus grew. Those are the same four ways you, as a parent, have to help your children to grow.
First it says Jesus grew in wisdom. That's mental or intellectual growth.
He grew in stature. That's physical growth.
He grew in favor with God. Spiritual growth.
He grew in favor with man. That's social growth.
That ought to be the goals you have in your family for each of your children, that you help them have balanced growth -- mental, physical, spiritual and social. The Bible is very clear that the primary responsibility of raising children, helping them be prepared for life, is laid at the feet of parents. It's your responsibility. The moment you took part in a conception you got a job description. You took on a role.
Part of that job description is described in Deuteronomy 6:7 "You must teach these commandments to your children and talk about them when you are at home or out for a walk, at bedtime and the first thing in the morning."
This says several things:
"You" -- this is not talking about the government, a preschool, a grade school, a private school, some club, even the church. It's talking about you if you're a parent. You are primarily responsible to prepare your kids for life, not some preschool or anybody else.
"Must" -- this is not optional. It's not, "if you have time for it you must do these things" or "It's OK whether you do them or not." It says "You must..." It's not optional.
"You must teach..." Parents are teaching all the time whether they realize it or not. If your kids are around you, you're teaching them sometimes intentionally, sometimes unintentionally. They're watching every move. You're modeling, exampling, showing how to live. You are constantly teaching. The only question is, "What are you teaching?"
"You must teach these commandments" They are commandments, not suggestions. God didn't give us ten suggestions. He said these are commandments you are to do. As parents there are three areas we especially have to be concerned with in raising kids, helping prepare them for life. Three things, if you get anything taught, you've got to get these down.
1. Relationships. For better or for worse, your happiness in life is determined by your relationships. If you know how to relate to people, if you know how to get along with people, you're probably going to be happy a good percentage of your life. If you don't know how to get along, if you don't know how to relate to people, you're going to be miserable most of your life. One of the most important skills the family teaches is how to relate.
Right or wrong, the way you relate to other people you picked up those skills growing up. Sometimes people grow up in dysfunctional homes and you have to relearn later on how to relate to people because you never learned to relate to people in the right way. You didn't learn how to resolve conflict. You either blew up or clammed up. You do different kinds of inappropriate behaviors so you have to relearn. So as parents we have to teach and we have to model basic things about relationships.
Good relationships don't just happen. You don't just have a good marriage. You don't just have a good friendship. It takes time, it takes work. Relationships have to be built. They are built on things like truthfulness, honesty and vulnerability. It takes communication. You cannot have a relationship without communication. It takes authenticity. It takes massive doses of forgiveness to build a healthy relationship. Because you're going to be hurt and you're going to hurt others. Sometimes intentionally. Sometimes unintentionally. We have to teach our kids how to resolve conflict. They need to see not only when you as a parent have a conflict with your spouse, but how you resolve it. We need to teach relationships.
2. Character. Character is formed in the home. What is character? Character is the sum total of your choices and your habits. As you help your kids develop good habits, they develop good character. If they don't develop good habits, they're not going to have good character no matter what you say. Character is more caught than it is taught. You have to model that.
3. Values. What's really important in life. Whether you realize it or not, your kids are always picking up values from you, whether you teach them formally or not. They're picking up, by just watching you, they're seeing what's really important in your life. Regardless of what you say is important, the way you spend your time and the way you spend your money is what's really important to you. They pick up values in the family. Values about work, about life, about money, about time, about sex, about other people, about the world, about the future, about what's really important, about God. Those values are constantly being communicated and picked up one way or the other.
I know you've heard people say, "I'm not going to impose my spiritual values on my kids. I'm going to let them decide for themselves." Baloney! What that basically says is "God is an option." He is not an option. You are hurting your kids if you say God is an option. As long as they are under your roof, you have the right to impose on them certain standards. When they're out on their own, of course they have to make their own decision. But if you don't force your kids to go to church, where do you think they'll get their values? At school? When you say, "I'm not going to impose my values on my kids" what you're doing is abdicating your authority as a parent. And you're abdicating it to the television. Television is the number one purveyor of values today.
Only 12% of grade school kids frequently talk to their parents, particularly their fathers, about personal concerns. When they become teenagers, only 8% of fathers talk to their teenagers about premarital sex. Only 15% of mothers talk to their teenagers about premarital sex. No wonder we've got teenage pregnancies going rapid today.
By the time a child is 18, on television, he or she has seen over 100,000 sexual liaisons on television. Ninety-one percent of all sex on TV is portrayed as sex outside of marriage. I call that brainwashing. Over a course of one year, prime time tv depicts over 1400 incidences of sex, over 2300 incidences of profanity, over 8000 incidences of severe violence. It's a great source of miseducation. What's happened as a result? Just pick up the paper. We've got grade schoolers taking guns to school and killing each other. Where did that come from?
The Bible says one day we're all going to be judged before God and give an account of our lives. Those of us who are parents will give an account of our parenting roles. Did we care enough to say, this is right and this is wrong, because most kids don't know right from wrong today. Society certainly doesn't know the difference.
In each of these areas I'm going to ask you to evaluate yourself. From one to ten, how would you rate yourself in preparing kids for life if you're a parent. Ask yourself, "What am I teaching? About money? About time? About God? About sex?" What am I teaching unintentionally by my lifestyle? Am I teaching workaholism?
I suggest that you be more intentional. Make a list of the values you think are important, that you value. Then start intentionally sharing those, making sure those come up in the conversation with your kids. Don't just let it go haphazard. Because it's not true that all you need is love. You need God's wisdom.
I love you guys. Stay faithful. Stay the course.
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