This is the last day of devotions for 2010. I'll end with the three other prayers you can pray to learn how to handle toxic relationships.
#2. Second prayer is this: Father, enable me to forgive my family.
Even as I write that, I know that phrase sounds toxic to some of you as you hear it. Forgive my family? You don’t know what they did to me, you’re thinking. I can never accept what they did to me. Folks, let’s clear up some mis-conceptions about forgiveness. Forgiveness does not mean accepting what they did to you.
Forgiveness does not mean saying that what they did to you is OK. What they did to you was wrong. It may even have been evil. What does it mean to forgive? Forgive means to release it. It means you let it go to God. You say to God, “Instead of me holding on to this and trying to get revenge on my own, I’m going to trust this into Your hands.”
So you release it. You let it go to God. You say, Here it is. I let it go. I forgive them. I let go of my desires for revenge. I let go of my desire to get even, and plot their demise. I let go of my plan to get as many people as I can to come against this sworn enemy of mine. I’m going to release it to You. I forgive them.
Jesus’ first followers had to deal with this. Matthew 18. Peter, one of the first followers of Jesus said to Jesus, “Lord, how long shall my brother sin against me and I forgive him?” Then he offers up a big number “’Up to seven times?’ Jesus said to him, ‘I do not say up to seven times. But up to seventy times seven.’” You say, I’m not sure I like the sound of that.
What’s Jesus saying? Jesus is teaching Peter and He’s trying to teach us. St the bar high. Peter comes to Jesus and says I want to forgive my brother. Let’s set the bar high. Seven times. I’ll forgive my brother seven times. Isn’t that magnanimous of me Jesus. Jesus says, No, let’s set it higher. Seventy times seven. 490 times. And the truth is, 490 times isn’t enough – Jesus is really saying forgiveness is to be limitless. You say Pastor, that is impossible. Of course it is – on your own. Forgiveness even one time is hard on your own, but limitless – impossible.
Here’s why. If we set the bar at nine feet we think we can do that in our own strength and energy. But once Jesus says nine miles all of a sudden I realize, I can’t do that! Jesus says, “Exactly! That’s exactly what I want you to see. You can’t forgive on your own strength. You need My strength.” With Jesus’ strength I can forgive.
I don’t know about you but the only place I’ve ever found the strength to forgive others is in the fact that Jesus has forgiven me. That’s where it comes from. Jesus says, You’re going to need My strength to do this. Don’t try to do it on your own. Would you pray – “Father, enable me to forgive my family. “
By the way, here’s another fact about forgiveness you might want to store in you quiver. The Bible says in Ephesians 4:32 “Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ, God forgave you.” Folks, forgiveness is immediate. Forgiveness is total. We forgive others just like God has forgiven us.
If you follow that – forgive them to God immediately, then when someone who has hurt you comes to you, you’re going to be able to forgive them because you’ve already dealt with it. You do not wait until they come to you.
I want to take just a minute to talk to God about this one. Would you bow your head with me? Just a thirty second prayer. Is there someone you need to forgive? Is there someone whose asked you for forgiveness and you withheld it? Is there someone you need to ask to forgive you? Just pray, “Father, enable me to forgive.”
Jesus, thank You that You have forgiven us and in Your strength we can find the strength to forgive others. You’ve forgiven us for so much. Thank You. In Your name. Amen.
As we work through this, things we can do, prayers we can pray to make a difference here’s the third prayer.
#3. Father, empower me to change my thinking.
If you’re going to deal with toxic relationships you’ve got to change your thinking. The truth is a toxic relationship is not hard to spot. You can see toxic relationships. But it’s difficult to change them. To change them doesn’t mean to just seeing that it’s there or knowing I need to do something different. It’s changing the way that I think. To change the pattern I’ve got to change the way that I think. That’s what the Bible teaches.
Romans 12:1-2 says, “Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, [the selfish patterns] but be transformed by the renewing of your mind and then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is – His good, pleasing and perfect will.” You let go of the old patterns of sin, fear, selfishness and the way to do that is to be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Before I can do something different I have to be able to think something different. To think in a new way. And God can do that. That’s why you pray, “God, empower me to change my thinking.”
Folks, sometimes it takes a long time to renew our minds. Why is that? God’s given us the Bible. Why don’t our minds get renewed right away? As soon as I read the Bible, as soon as I come to church. I hear it, I see it! I know what to do! Why does it take time to change? Why isn’t it instantaneous?
There’s a problem: Jeremiah 17:9 says, “The heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure. Who can understand it?” You didn’t want to hear that verse. I didn’t either. The heart’s deceitful? You bet it is. My heart’s deceitful. Your heart’s deceitful. Our hearts deceive us. God is working to renew our mind but our heart, our mind is deceiving us.
“I don’t really need my mind renewed in that area. I’m right – they are wrong. I am going to hold unto my grudge, no one can change me. I deserve to be mad. I’ve been hurt.” And that hurt somehow justifies gossiping, slandering, falsifying facts. Write this one down, hurt people hurt people. And that hurt betrays us. That hurt we hold in our hearts deceives us into staying the same when God’s trying to change us. What’s the answer then? I mean, is there any hope then, when you’ve got this dynamic at work? YES!!! You need God’s power working in you. Not your power – not your muscle – you need God.
There’s a fourth prayer to pray.
#4. Father, free me to accept Your love.
The truth is to deal with toxic people in your life, in your family, you need to know that there is one relationship in your life that you can count on no matter what. The only one you can count on no matter what, the only one that will never fail you, or forsake you is God Himself. He has perfect love for you. So you pray, “God, would You free me to accept Your love,” and you build your love for everyone else on that love.
If you’re trying to find in some human relationship a perfect love that you can build all your other relationships on, you’ll never find it. Everybody’s imperfect. If you’re putting the weight of perfection on any human relationship that in itself is toxic. You’re going to create, even in the best of relationships, you’re going to create expectations that can never be met. So where do you start? You start with the love of God. You accept His love in your life. Out of that every other love grows.
The Bible says in 1 John 4:16 “So we know and rely on the love that God has for us. There is no fear in love, but perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love. We love because He first loved us. There is no fear in love.”
How do I know God loves me? He shows me. 1 John 4:9 says, “God has shown His love or us by sending His only Son into the world so that we could have life through Him.” Some people think, “God loves me? When did He show me?” He showed me in Jesus Christ, coming into this world. That’s what Christmas is all about. Jesus was born for you. Jesus was given to you.
SO WHAT? Ephesians 3:20-21 (NCV) says, “With God's power working in us, God can do much, much more than anything we can ask or imagine. To him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus for all time, forever and ever. Amen."
Today, on this last day of 2010, I need to ask you, do you need God’s power working in you? I invite you just to talk to God and say, “Father, I want your power working in me. Free me right now to accept Your love. Empower me to change my thinking. Enable me to forgive my family, strengthen me to accept my limitations. God, I start here by recognizing how deeply You love me. AMEN.”
In 2011, tomorrow, we'll be using a new format for devotions. There will also be a new COV devotional website. you can find the devotions for 2011 @
www.covdevotions2011.blogspot.com/
I love you guys. Stay faithful. Stay the course. ENDURE!
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