Relationship Priciple #5:COMMUNICATION THAT MAKES A POSITIVE IMPACT IS HONEST.
As I read through the words that Jesus said to people, the way He communicated, if I had to choose one word to describe the communication of Jesus it would be “honest” in the most spiritual sense of the word He was honest. Honest means truthful. Jesus was truthful.
Honesty means you’re able to tell the truth. But it’s more than that. Some people think that’s all it is, just the bear bones truth. But if you look at the way Jesus spoke to people, the gentleness, the compassion, the love you see that it’s more than that. It’s not only truthful, it’s also thoughtful. You think through how to say the truth. Truthful is not always thoughtful.
Some people use the truth like a shotgun. They tell the truth, they tell it like it is and they don’t care who they hurt. They don’t just tell the truth, they aim the truth. For all of us, even if you aren’t one of those kinds of people, we have to think about what we say. Phrases like “You do well for your age,” or “I can’t believe you did such a good job.” We have to think through what we’re saying. We’ve all slipped with those!
The truth sometimes hurts but it doesn’t have to main, kill and destroy. When Jesus spoke to people He looked into their eyes and they knew that He loved them. They knew that He cared. He was truthful but He was also thoughtful. There’s a balance.
When I think about honesty, it’s a lot easier for me to be nice than to be honest. I like people to like me. Sometimes when you’re honest with someone there’s a moment or two there where they’re not really happy with you because you’ve been honest with them. Sometimes it’s easier to be nice than to be honest.
Sometimes we want to be nice to people rather than impact their lives. It’s true in our businesses. Tom Peters wrote that CEOs who lead the corporate revolution are straight shooters; they have a flatout attachment to the truth. Bad news or not, they give it to you straight. He’s just picking up on a Biblical truth.
Ephesians 4:15 says, “Rather, speaking the truth in love, we are to grow up in every way into him who is the head, into Christ.” That’s a struggle for some of us. We would rather be liked than to be honest. We would rather be liked than to impact a life for Christ. For some us, God needs to grow us in this area of life.
Ephesians 4:29 gives the power to do just that. “Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear.” Words are the single most important tool given to mankind by God.
Proverbs 18:21 says “Death and life are in the power of the tongue.” So Jesus teaches us to use the right words, to be honest. Communication is an art. Sometimes I think I’m still setting there with crayons, trying to learn to color between the lines. There’s a lot to learn but let’s learn it. Let’s not be satisfied with where we are.
BECAUSE JESUS IS HONEST, HIS WORDS ARE OFTEN SURPRISING.
Jesus is honest and because He is, His words are often very surprising. You read some of the words of Jesus and it doesn’t sound like He’s applying for the United Nations Diplomatic Corp at all. Jesus commends a Gentile that he’s just met for his great faith. Yet Simon Peter who’s followed Him for years He puts him down for his lack of faith. When He did, when He
challenged him for his lack of faith, was when Simon Peter tried to walk on the water.
Jesus is walking on the water, Simon sees Jesus. He gets out of the boat saying, “Command me to walk to You.” He takes two or three steps at least on the water and then he notices the wind and the waves and he begins to sink. If I’d been Jesus in that situation, after all he did take two or three steps on water! It would be natural for Jesus to say, “Great job! None of the other guys got out of the boat.” But because He’s honest and He could see into Peter’s heart and He knew that he could have done more by the power of Christ available, He honestly said to him, “You have a lack of faith in your life.” That’s surprising to me.
He calls the Pharisees snakes and hypocrites but then later says, Father forgive them. They don’t know what they’re doing. He does both. Jesus rebuked His friend sternly but then He loved him sacrificially. That’s the kind of words He
spoke. He didn’t think a rebuke at one time meant He could never speak kindly about that person again. No, He rebuked Peter and said, Satan get behind me. But then He said, “God has love for no one like this: that one lay down his life for his friends. And you are My friends,
[He says talking to His eleven disciples – Judas had left] if you do what I command.” The challenging question behind all this is, Are my words well balanced by honesty? Rather than being a flatterer or a destroyer, am I an encourager telling the truth, using the truth to encourage others rather than to hurt others or lift myself up. Are they balanced by honesty?
I wouldn’t be honest if we didn’t end with looking at the facts. It didn’t always go well for Jesus. There were times when communication didn’t work. He was perfect and He always communicated perfectly but the people He was talking to weren’t perfect. Same as you and I – we’re “perfect” but the people we’re talking to aren’t perfect!!!
No, we’re talking about two imperfect communicators now. There’s going to be problems. Look at how Jesus handled those problems.
When Jesus was criticized, He gave a clear and confident response. The Pharisees said, “You’re boasting! You’re lying!” And Jesus simply said to them when they looked Him in the eye and said, “Where is Your father?” Do you know what
kind of criticism that was?
The Greek language and the historical background reveal a little more. They were actually accusing Jesus of some of the rumors that were circulating at the time, that Mary had become pregnant before she was married so that Jesus was an illegitimate child. That’s what they’re saying here. Jesus looked at them and said, “You don’t know who I am so you don’t know who My Father is. If you knew Me you would know Me too.” That’s a clear and confident response.
When I’m criticized I want to attack rather than clearly and confidently say this is the truth. But He was able to do that. When criticized He gave a clear response.
When doubted Jesus offered proof. Thomas came and said, “I have doubts.” And Jesus said, “Here I am. Put your finger in my hands. That’s the proof. Blessed are those who haven’t seen me but I want to give some proof to you.” Jesus focused not on peoples’ doubt but on their needs. He could have said, “Who do you think you are to challenge Me?”
Jesus enabled people to touch Him and see the reality of who He was. I can’t answer every doubt in somebody’s mind there are some doubts I can’t answer. But those that I can, I should. We also have to be honest about the fact that oftentimes needs arise out of our doubts. And the very reason I have these needs in my life is if I’d just solve the faith problem. Jesus was able to do
that.
And when ridiculed He was silent. Isaiah 53:7 (ESV) says, “HE was oppressed, and he was afflicted, yet he opened not his mouth; like a lamb that is led to the slaughter, and like a sheep that before its shearers is silent, so he opened not his mouth.”
On the cross He was silent. When they spit at Him and ridiculed Him He didn’t say anything back. At that point it wasn’t a criticism but just pure ridicule. Folks, some comments don’t deserve an answer. Let it go! There’s no way to answer them. It’s just ridicule. There’s no fact behind it. There’s no reason to answer it. So just let it go. You answer criticism sometimes but you don’t answer ridicule.
Prayer:
Jesus, give us words to encourage. Give us words to build up. Give us the power to do relationships different – better than we have in the past.
This is not just an issue of try harder. For some us, yes it is the issue of try. It’s got to be on your radar screen – relationships and communication. But the real issues is bigger. The real issue is having Jesus Christ in your life. In control of your life., At the center of your life. Folks, to do relationships better, you need a relationship with Jesus Christ.
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